We talk a lot about boundaries these days, boundaries from work, boundaries in relationship, healthy versus unhealthy boundaries. Yet, I rarely see boundaries around actions, events and self.
I wonder if we created self love boundaries, the kind in which we refrain from acting in ways that just plain feel bad. Keeping a contract with self around how we talk within our minds and hearts. Keeping our words loving, encouraging and kind when we self-talk. How would we change the world?
I keep a picture of myself, from when I was wee - and when I notice that my words are not loving towards myself, I stop, I look at that picture and I ask myself if I would talk to her like that. The answer is always 'NO' and yet, she is inside me. I am that wee little girl, who longs to hearing loving and kind things. I would rather hear 'great catch on that, let's fix it' rather than the usual thing that pops into my mind 'how could you make THAT mistake, you know this stuff!'
(Okay, okay - I did tone that down A LOT from what I hear myself say)
I try to keep clear on my own self love boundaries, including things like a regular sleeping and eating rhythm (though, like everyone, there are times when I need/want to do something different). I try to keep my work separate from my leisure time - except when my work is so fun that it feels like leisure.
I try to honour my feelings when they are strong and overwhelming, and I am even getting better at this. Sometimes we all need to just feel the feelings, to let them happen and shift and MOVE out of the body.
What kind of boundaries would you put in place for yourself? Would you like to work on your self-talk? A tendency to over-commit? The too many beers after work?
This work of self-discovery, self-worth, self-esteem is challenging stuff. There are a lot of pieces to it. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to go back to the way things were before. To just do the do things, not think too hard about them, and carry on.
Then I remember, that was the way of feeling bad ALL THE TIME, the way of depression, of self flagellation. That was the way of the not-so-nice person that I used to be. Now when I forget and act that way unconsciously, I never feel good about myself.
I try to do the do things
So I work on boundaries, for myself and how I want to be, to treat myself, to treat others - AND - with others, in how I allow them to treat me, how I let them witness me treating myself. I've learned to slow down, to ask myself first, 'what do I need here?' and then to find ways to give that to myself. By asking for help, for respect, by reducing my time with people who don't respect me (or eliminating if I can).
Thank you for witnessing this, and seeing how 'I' do this thing called life. I appreciate that you are here, and that you want to learn from my words.