Last month held such grief for me - so many memories flooding back into my sphere of energy, bumping into one another and mixing all together.
Autumn was a season of change and heartache this year. Earlier in the autumn, my G.G. passed over. She had begun to be more poorly and we were ‘prepared’ for the time to come. ‘Prepared’, what a word to bring to this process, how do we ever prepare ourselves to be walking through life without our special person anymore. G. G. was my last living grandparent and I will miss her always.
I did 'prepare,' I meditated every day after we were given the news and when it was her time to leave, I was able to meet with her in my meditation and journey with her to the bridge, to watch her as her light got brighter and brighter while she crossed over the bridge to be with both her husband and her boyfriend.
When Molly passed last month, I met and journeyed with her as well, before she crossed over the bridge. She was so young looking as she turned into light and raced over the bridge to be with my ex’s parents and their dog Freddie and my cats El Tigre, Ponce de Leon and Seven.
Many, many moons ago, my best friend was killed in a car accident. At that time we were on slightly different paths, she was going to University, and I had recently married my ex. We were friends, but living in different worlds for a while (or at least that was my thought).
About eight months after she passed away, I was drawn to buy my very first pendulum. It was the oddest experience for me, I had gone into a metaphysical shop for a tarot deck. But this purple (I am NOT a purple fan - give me green any day, but I have hardly anything that is purple) pendulum spoke to me, and I had no interest in it. I fought the feelings at first, but it was relentless and I brought it to the cashier. She began wrapping it up in this special little box that had my best friend's name on it. I asked her why she was putting it in that box and she said it was the name of the pendulum. Of course then I knew I HAD to buy it.
I went home and immediately tried to call my friend. Her phone was out of order?!? I called her folks, and finally got the sad news. She had died, the hospital lost her address book which had my new married name in it. They were so sad to not be able to tell me when it happened - it was devastating.
I carried that grief for many years, angry to not have been informed. Sad, really at a complete loss. In my inner world I had the idea that we would "raise our babies" together, we would ALWAYS be friends. And now NONE of that could happen.
Everytime I come back into grief, she is there being remembered, and lost all over again. Any grief - when I left my marriage, when I lost my friend, when I was sick and I couldn't do things anymore, really ANY grief at all.
This year has been a tumultuous one, and I have been engulfed in grief several times. Each time trying to ride it out and move back into this place of offering my tools to you, to those who could benefit from them - and now I see that I am meant to share them with you. To show you how I process my uncomfortable feelings. To share with you the path I am offering to guide you along, should we work together.
I lost my G.G., and my dear dog, Molly. I have had to deal with sudden changes as my child went away to another province for university. I made some very grave mistakes resulting in my dearest friend unfriending me. So much loss and pain - some because I wasn’t practicing my new skills in communication and some because death is a bitch.
But also all of these things have helped me find gratitude - I CAN make better communication choices. I can always go inward for a while and revisit my good memories. I am so utterly grateful for the gift I have to be able to journey to the bridge with others who are becoming light again. I am grateful for the light we all will become as we move to the otherside - whatever that otherside looks like for each of us. That my child is happy with friends as they go on to learn more and to become the amazing adult that I see more and more each time I see them.
I seek my truth in all things as I travel through time in this physical form, I explore my shadows with the light that I am. While this is work that will always have pieces to do as I learn more/do better, I am always getting closer and closer to becoming that light, the light which I experience at the bridge of crossing over.
Grief is a gift - it is feeling all of the love we have for another, and nowhere to give it anymore. It comes to us in many ways, from the grief of being a parent with children at home, as our fledglings leave our nest. Grief can be the ending of a phase or era, someone moving away, the loss of a job. It comes strong when we lose a loved one, a friend, family member, or pet.
Grief is a gift
I like having a wellness kit that helps me process these big, uncomfortable emotions. I am grateful that this is something that I can share with the world and help others with.
Thank you for witnessing me in this grief - for deeply seeing me as I process through grief and other uncomfortable emotions as I move forward into the next part of my life. You are a blessing on this earth, and I cherish you.